January 27

3 gifts that might have never been

It's been 6 years now, so the wounds are healed and the anger is gone.  But when my longtime friend of twenty years decided that our friendship wasn't worth saving, my first instinct was to regret (1) ever meeting her, (2) giving it a second chance when things went south the first time while we were in college, (3) rekindling the friendship after I was out of college and married, (4) moving to the town she lived in (completely NOT because she was here but because when Bret was hired in this city, we were familiar with and liked the community after visiting her over the years) where we can still run into each other, and (5) making her Jessie's godmother. 

But I can't regret any of those, except for possibly the last.  If I had never met her, and been friends as an adult and mother, my life would be unrecognizably different now.  What might have never been?

1.  She introduced me to the music of Rich Mullins, Andrew Peterson, and Sara Groves.  Three amazing songwriters and musicians who have brought countless hours of listening pleasure to my life.  And who have inspired me to stretch as a Christian and as a person.  Their music has basically been the soundtrack to my faith journey.  I simply cannot imagine my life without their music, yet if not for her, I very well may have never heard them.  Their songs are rarely played on the radio, and none of my friends are big fans.

2.  I would never have chosen to live where we do.  It's just not on the radar of many people who don't live here.  If we had never heard of it when we moved here, we would have likely moved to the other side of town, since that's where most of Bret's coworkers and friends lived, and they all love their respective communities.  We'd have heard them talk about what great places they are to live, and we would have been convinced that one of them was the right place for us.  But we love our community, our schools, our church, and our home, and can't imagine living anywhere else.  It's perfect for us, and the friends we've made are irreplaceable.  But I would have never even known about it if we hadn't visited my friend here over the years.

3.  And as for Jessie -- while it broke my heart to witness her broken heart when her most beloved godmother (her favorite person in the world) "ditched" her (as Jessie so eloquently put it), I think I can't completely regret that decision, either.  If we had given Jessie a different godmother, she wouldn't have had her heart broken, it's true.  But ... when it happened, we told Jessie that since she was almost 5 years old, she could choose her own replacement godmother.  She chose the person who I would have chosen for her, one of my friends who loved her dearly even before they had an official "special" relationship.  If I were going to have a fourth child, she would have been the obvious choice.  And she is the perfect godmother for Jessie.  When I keep in mind that if we'd given Jessie a different godmother, one who wouldn't have "ditched" her, she would not have Miss S.  And it is as it should be.